The Ravenblack Grimoire

Dear Lucius,

My name is Timmy and all I ever wanted was to have a family. I went into the hall of binding with 5k and bought a sire. Unfortunately I didn't know it wasn't a store and the vampire I bound to wasn't happy about it. Now I was severed from my dreams before I could enjoy it. What should I do now? I want to be dead and buried! *sobs*
Signed: Timmy

Ah, Timmy, life is so unpredictable: one day you're making millions from illegal binding and siring contracts and are as happy as a Catholic priest at a Greek orgy; and the next day, you're serving 25-years to life in your ex-sire/companion’s dungeon, and you are that Greek orgy. Therefore, the only purpose in buying a sire without permission served is adding a 1st-degree murder charge to your woes. I suggest you get out of this town quickly and consider career change: move to Israel and become a suicide bomber. Or perhaps, being a greasy, sleaze ball, hire yourself out as human flypaper at your local sewage treatment works.

I hope this helps,

Lucius
Solves all your problems instantly - or your money back!

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Dear Lucius,

My name is Hesu and I’m a 471 year old vampiress. Do you think it is too late to learn to play the piano?
Signed: Hesu.

Goodness, no! And thank hell, you're here. The damn piano called in sick and the curtain rises in two hours. Here are your lines, they are luckily short. In act three the main protagonist will tickle your ivories randomly as his companion tells him he has lost his will and direction in life. All you’ve got to do is make random piano sounds. DO NOT ham it with 'Chopsticks' or the like, it's suppose to be random to reflect his erratic nature, okay? Other than that you just sit there and look grand.

I hope this helps,

Lucius
Solves all your problems instantly - or your money back!