The Ravenblack Grimoire

Another year is gone, and it’s time for my second annual overview. Before reviewing this year’s list of ridiculousness, let’s go back and review last year’s special winners and where they are now!

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10. jimmher and sharrinya: Well, jimmher is nowhere to be found, and sharrinya has taken the last year to produce the city’s most used interactive news source. Granted, her clan philosophies may still be quite a bit off base, but the success of the BCIN has pulled her off the list for this year.

9. EvilBill: You did nothing of note to make it on last year’s list, and surprise! You earned yourself a spot on this year’s! See below.

8. PTBarnum and Secret: Both of these folks were instrumental in tossing tgcsmith from the League of Shadow Demons over a year ago. Where are they now? PoE? Gone from the city? Well, personally, I don’t give a shit. *smile*

7. Avigon: Last year she made herself look the fool by locking out the leadership of Seraphim who actually had the respect of the membership, and this year…where is she? Once again, I don’t give a shit.

6. The ReRe Collection: You haven’t heard too much out of this crew, and that’s a good thing.

5. Sartori: Last year he won the award for talking more than he acted. Over the last year he’s been kinda chill…building his own bloodline rather quietly, tossing some smartasses comments here and there, and really solidifying himself as the city’s dueling king. Off the list for this year.

4. Crazyinblack: She made it on the list for not being able to kill one vampiress with an entire clan. Since then, she made one earth shattering appearance in RBC, and by earth shattering, I mean no one gave a fuck.

3. WoE: Made it on the list last year for utilizing deep shadows as a warring tactic. Since then, the member of the ReRe Collection who was leading the clan handed it over to BlueVamp who has very wisely gotten the big mouths in her clan to shove a sock in it, which has gone far in creating a lot of separation between the clan’s old reputation and the improved (we can only hope) entity that they are (or at least should be) now.

2. The idiot who thought putting Hesu on the Wheel of Freaks was a good idea. *shrug* Again, I don’t give a shit.

1. Old Seraphim: They got tossed on the list for attacking Capadocious and then surrendering. Where are they now? Well, some are here…some are there…and some are all clumped together in Scions. They joined the Mafia, left the Mafia, and seem to be just stuck in limbo just waiting for a hero to take all that potential and actually push them to the moon. Will it happen in 2008? Who knows!

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And now, for this year’s list of the 10 most stupid things/vampires in the city for 2007. These are ranked in no particular order, because I really don’t feel like ranking them. So, without further adieu:

10. TygerNight: He’s alive…no wait, he’s dead. He’s alive…no wait, he’s dead. He’s dead and buried….JUST KIDDING! Pity would have kept him off the list, since his old yet new wife begged for assistance from the practically defunct Enforcers of Enlightenment against the D’darys attacking him, he wins. Vampires with low self esteem all over the city just smile and raise their chin just a little bit higher when around this guy.

9. Astaroth: He hopped from vampire to vampire trying to crack into the House of Gyllenstierna, said fuck it and built his own bloodline, and then squandered one of the real chances he was given to show he wasn’t a complete dolt by leaving SIE. So, Astaroth, here is your very own stupid stick. Try not to beat yourself with it too much.

8. kaio999: He showed up in SIE eager and willing to make a name for himself. He then took the very fragile reputation he had built, shoved it in a blender, and pushed high when he created his own clan while a member of SIE, got caught and killed, and then the clan he died for folded around the time he made an underwear change. Stick to your sire, buddy. She’ll be your only saving grace in this city.

7. And speaking of SIE: twylyte wins the next award for being handed the city’s strongest clan on a silver platter and fucking it up in less than two months. Or, does Hesu win the award here for actually giving twylyte the clan to begin with? Either way, SIE is weak and ripe for the picking, and someone deserves a mention here because of it. Oh how the mighty have fallen…

6. EvilBill: You had such a great reputation in the city. You made it on the list for squandering your chances to make good on it upon your arrival back. Then, this past year, you offered yours up as cannon fodder in the HoH and friends versus TiC and friends skirmish. Then, a few months after that, you left the city again. Like I said last year, I want my money back. Seriously.

5. What The: The Lady had built quite a reputation for herself over the past several years, and then decided it was a good idea to sit back in shadows for the majority of the aforementioned war. Sitting on her reputation? Probably not a good idea, because now that reputation has been tarnished forever. The day you think you’ve got nothing else to work for is the day you lose it all. Such a shame.

4. Lady Lilac: You have the smallest blood levels for a clan leader I’ve ever seen in my entire unlife, with the exception of very new offshoot clans. This surprises me considering that you prefer to camp your ass in shadows rather than fight your own clan and alliance wars. You’re a pathetic excuse for a leader, and having to wake up and actually realize each night that you are Lady Lilac is probably punishment enough.

3. The VNN: Vampires dancing in cheap paper chocolate wrappers delivering the news. The only thing they really did that was noteworthy were the Unawards right around the time they first started. Other than that, they are just a pathetically cheap knock off of the old Nitty Gritty using the name of a past publication for marketing. Oh, and if you’re going to hire vampires to work for your publication where confidentiality is key, perhaps you should have them sign a “Don’t tell people you’re working for the VNN 2 days before your costume shows up” waiver. Because some of us know who some of you are, and it makes us laugh.

2. Cerridwen: Cerridwen wins for just being herself. Where #10 on the list works to raise the confidence level of new vampires everywhere, Cerridwen serves to give that ego boost to new clan leaders all over the city. To have someone drop the length of time they’ve been in the city, whine about almost everything, AND almost single handedly kill one of the oldest clans in the city despite the efforts of her co leader is enough to boost the ego of all new and/or crappy clan leaders everywhere, because there isn’t another one in the city that can claim to be worse. Of course, Jean DeVenn takes a bit of a share in this award too, because I don’t know what’s worse…being Cerridwen, or being the guy fucking her. It truly is a toss up.

1. Demonic_Diati and the DOA: You thought you were riding the high Mafia tide when the Unholy Alliance splintered, but you took a good thing, and you really just fucked it up royally in 6 months or less. I have never seen an implosion be quite as entertaining as this one, probably because you lot are too stupid to realize that you’re imploding. Attacking Majica and then ordering yours into shadows in order to get your “much needed help” is just laughable. Actually, everything you do is laughable.

And there it is…the 10 most stupid things/vampires in the city for 2007. Like always, I tell the truth so you don’t have to…not that you planned on it anyway.

Happy New Year, RBC.

~S~