The Ravenblack Grimoire

We at the Grimoire do try hard to bring stories of quality to the city's avid readers. Not all of the articles written ever see the light of day. Some remain buried in our vaults until such a time as we can pull them out and poke fun at them or their authors. This following piece is an interview ophelia gave to part-time contributor Matt Black on the occasion of Yggdrasil's first birthday. While ophelia demonstrates ably how to give an interview without giving anything away, Matt Black ties himself in knots and is forced to leave empty handed. Enjoy!

m_matt_black_b: Milady?
ophelia Lokason: Yes?

m_matt_black_b: I was wonderimg whether you would mind granting me a brief interview

m_matt_black_b: I am writing an article about Yggdrasils first year

ophelia Lokason: *folds hands in lap and smiles* Fascinating. What would you like to know?

m_matt_black_b: In you considered opinion, what was the high point of the first 12 months?

ophelia Lokason: I'd love to answer that for you, however I'd have to refer you back to the first rule. If you've a need to know what said first rule is, I'd direct you to some of the bar rumours *smiles*

m_matt_black_b: I am afraid I don't spend much time in bars and when I do I tend to disgrace myself

m_matt_black_b: Would you mind enlightening me?

ophelia Lokason: Ahh, I remember you. Vaugely. Wasn't there an incident that ended with you vomiting on someone? Or so I was told *nods*

m_matt_black_b: *looks uncomfortable* Madam, if you wish to inteview ME I am would be more than willing once I have finished interviewing YOU

ophelia Lokason: Very well. *pats your hand* Now, it would be my pleasure to tell you what the first rule is.

m_matt_black_b: *counts fingers*

ophelia Lokason: However, if I do that, then I must refer you to rule number three. And rule number three will ensure that this interview ends quite suddenly, and perhaps tragically. For you that is.

m_matt_black_b: But surely rule number 7 gets me off the hook in this instance?

ophelia Lokason: *smiles*

m_matt_black_b: *perspires*

ophelia Lokason: *hands you a monogrammed linen handkerchief*

m_matt_black_b: *dabs forehead gingerly*

m_matt_black_b: Thank you

m_matt_black_b: *hands it back*

ophelia Lokason: *wrinkles nose* Please, keep it.

ophelia Lokason: And you're quite welcome Sir!

m_matt_black_b: *smiles*

m_matt_black_b: So, now that your prodigal long lost childe spookie has returned from the dead, will she be welcomed back into the fold with open arms?

ophelia Lokason: *raises a brow* Pardon me, did you not say this interview pertained to Yggdrasil?

m_matt_black_b: I did - it was my undestanding that spookie was a member of Yggdrasil. Are you telling me that she isn't?

ophelia Lokason: Sir, please pay attention and refer back to rule number one. And you did say you wished to ask about Yggdrasil, not it's members, or lack there of depending on the question. Focus man *pats your hand*

m_matt_black_b: You never told me what rule number one was so I am unable to abide by it - so will spookie be joining you in the birthday celebrations?

ophelia Lokason: *looks curious and beams* There's a celebration!? Oh where!! I do love parties

m_matt_black_b: *smiles* That's not what I heard

m_matt_black_b: Perhaps we should wrap this up?

ophelia Lokason: Perhaps so. After all, my socializing is of little importance *smiles*

m_matt_black_b: May I use any quote from our conversation?

ophelia Lokason: Taaa...only if you use it in the context that it was spoken in. But that was a smart question ~nods~

m_matt_black_b: Well I shall endeavour to do that - you can always complain

ophelia Lokason: A Lady never complains, Sir. She simply waits for karma to create a very large very messy accident.

m_matt_black_b: *arches an eyebrow*

ophelia Lokason: *blinks lazily* Yes?

m_matt_black_b: Well karma has rarely looked favourably on me - I expect even if I use the quote correctly I will be hit by a large truck shortly after

ophelia Lokason: Quite possibly. There are so many reckless drivers these days. I swear, they'll be rivaling kitchen accidents soon.

m_matt_black_b: *edges towards the door*

m_matt_black_b: Well, this has been most enlightening

ophelia Lokason: Though don't you mean incorrectly? Stuttering can be cured if you exercise a bit of patience *watches you with a bit of amusement*

ophelia Lokason: If you use it correctly I imagine the fates might just smile on you for a day or two. *waves a hand* I do appreciate you stopping by Sir. And please, have a lovely evening!

m_matt_black_b: I shall *runs for the door*