Aries (March 21st-April 19th)
Despite having to deal with some annoying insecurities and/or behind-the-scenes-disruptions June can end up being a pretty great month for you. What makes it great? Movement! (No not bowl but come to think of it you had one this century?)Between June 11th-27th Mercury ignites the good decisions, excellent communications, and fun trips that inspire your favourite feeling: The Thrill of the kill. Begin Something New – possibly with someone new. You might be especially empowered June 16,17,and 20 as your ideas catch fire (and so too does your enemy). Do not ask any one if your arse looks big in these jeans, just accept it yes it does. Anyone who reminds you of this, slaughter them and any progeny they have. What to do about those pesky unexpected issues popping up? Treat them like you do everything else: holy water and garlic spray. Sex can be fun, go get some, watch some. Just make sure they are alive before doing it well unless that’s what you like.
Lucky colour is green
Lucky number is 6
Lucky sexual position (for the metric out there) 181
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Taurus (April 20 –May 21st)
No – it hasn’t been your imagination – the astrological energies have been kinda tough on you ... (but you deserve it come on karma comes and bites you in the arse now and then) But don’t fear it’s your time to shine, even your relationships will get hotter in the coming month so don’t worry so much eat bite kill drink and be Merry. All in all your social life will be perked up in June with some amazing dynamics with friends and hotties (go out and buy the karma sutra for inspiration ) and guys and you special girls, remember with it you might even be able to find that mystical G spot. Be generous with foreplay in fact five play could be the way to go. Be cautious, however, during the wild energies of June 27th - June 29th, as someone might exit your life as quickly as they entered it.(I just love the death of an enemy)
Lucky colour is purple
Lucky number is 666
Lucky sexual position T-square
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Gemini (May 22nd- June21st)
Thank God you’re as savvy as you are, Gemini, and as flexible and eager to change, too! (ROAR I likes flexible hmm nice err)You’ll need those gifts through most of June as there’ll be shake-ups galore happening all around you – especially in your City, death, mayhem and well jolly hard rogering . Many relationships will be surprising, some might be anticipated, but all are trying to lead you to a quicky round the corner and pushed hard against the wall. Some will lead to capitalizing on the new ideas and alliances that are now starting to hover. Let’s put it this way: If something isn’t going to work, or if someone isn’t going to stick around, you’ll most likely realize it early June, If it does not work out, stalk them hunt them down like a dog and kill them. Forget looking back, as whatever falls apart can open doors for even better prospects and relationships or even bars. Find more attractive, witty partners and don’t be shy if they are the same sex, adventure is just part of the city! Capitalize on that. In fact, this whole year of 2008 is chock full of powerful, inspiring people and partners (and some mysterious strangers)
Lucky colour is pink
Lucky number is 13.5
Lucky sexual position pounding on the spot
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Cancer (June 22nd – July 22nd)
Even though you’re quite a strong creature, Cancer, your recent money, health, and/or relationship issues may be wearing you a little thin. Plus, since so many of your challenges have come as a result of other vampire’s choices (or lack of them) you can feel left hanging - rarely a welcome position for a security-oriented crab! Not to worry – change the picture with holy water or garlic spray! New ideas are percolating,(white one sugar please) helpful vampires are coming to the rescue. What should you do? Use your instincts and intuition to hunt down the traitor and smear their blood across the city its really important that you show your power to the city. Abrupt shifts in plans and expectations might pop up June 1st - 2nd, 27th – 29th can end up resulting in death mayhem and destruction (did I mention go on holiday nope I didn’t that’s next). Travel, write that book (or letter) and take a class in something get that power you have been putting off a good locate power always makes me smile when I’m blind scrolling) you’ll start to see that doors magically opening for you that you wouldn’t dream of even knocking on!
Lucky colour is yellow (just like the back of your enemy)
Lucky number is 2
Lucky sexual position tribbing / frottage
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Leo (July 23rd – Aug. 22nd)
Wow! Having Saturn, the Personal Trainer of the zodiac, traveling through your sign has forced you to work hard (I would kill it before it makes you sweat) The very thing that makes your world go ‘round - partnerships and love – might have been a little tough(if you were sweating then shower before groping your partner it’s always a better bet),if they call you weird and disappointing kill them and move on we all know you are a giant in that department. Your normal sassy confidence, will make a return once you have rid yourself of some old college rival go visit them and kill them make them your. New ideas, contacts, and opportunities are beginning to materialize that show you why all that ordinary drudgery you’ve been enduring has been worth it(see laying the foundations on your spying technique was a good thing to do). June 11th has really exciting spikes of evilness hitting a high on June 20th, 21st, 24th, 25th. Expect some sudden shifts with money, sex, or other vampire’s crises affecting you, especially June 2nd, 3rd, 27th -29th. Just use your magnificent bottom to ease any problems between you.
No lucky colour this month just accept it ok
Lucky number(s) 1 and 27 (see you got two not so bad)
Lucky sexual position doggie
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Virgo (Aug. 23rd – Sept. 22nd)
The good news is you are growing and stretching like mad this year (you sure you’re not pregnant), Virgo! The challenging news is it might be wackier, faster, and messier than your orderly self would have ever imagined or even preferred (hmm blood sex and rock and roll always messier). Take the ride, keep reaching for the brass ring, and forget about getting it all perfect. (oh yeah check the brass ring if it’s a love seat just make sure it does not collapse under the rigours you put it to) If you’re experiencing tightness or dryness go see a Dr no point being a vampire with a dry !@@. Powerful energies are pushing you to get into a bigger game in the city, even if you don’t feel certain how to play, especially June 7th, 8th, 20th,21st, and 22nd. Virgo! Look at it this way: what’s the worst that can hap[pen you and all yours and your entire clan might die what’s the best that might happen you could be crowned prince of the.
Lucky colour is royal purple
Lucky number is 1
Lucky sexual position suspended congress
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Libra (Sept. 23rd – Oct. 22nd)
Vampires! Trips! Love! Friendship! Phone Calls! Opportunities! …and other glorious and social activities are expected for you most of this month of June, Libra! Indeed, your ideas are bright, your communications are clear, and adoring people are all around, make the most of it screw sleep around and take on as many as you can all are ripe for the picking. So use your delightful attitude and social contacts to negotiate, especially on June 20th - 21st, and 29th -30th. And if you don’t feel like this is happening for you we all know you can stalk and hunt the prey. I mean tying someone up shows you care. Your challenge might be sorting out how much time to devote to every (new) opportunity, invitation, and offer you receive.(after all being popular has its draw backs too) Take care of your health, be super flexible (hmm flexible I like flexible)if conditions change, make them suit your needs. You are on an upswing. Have fun.
Lucky colour is blue
Lucky number 4
Lucky sexual position cowgirl/ cowboy
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Scorpio (Oct. 23rd – Nov. 22nd)
No doubt about it: The past few months have been intense and dramatic for you, Scorpio. Confrontations and crises might have been rampant the occasional war. The good news is that, although your changes are far from over, the bad is past leaving you with a clearer picture of what you’re dealing with. Even better, the energies gathering now are working more for your benefit. So use your characteristic of being the “Phoenix” - one who rises from the ashes into something more glorious - and carry on. Sex is high on the agenda from June 1 to June 30 so enjoy. Some matters can end up promoting you, supporting your goals, or bringing Vampires into your life who love you and who are compassionate to your wants and needs(I like the sound of this), especially June 2nd-5th and 26th-30th. Use the no moon on the 20th and 22nd to hunt and kill an enemy to further your goals of city wide domination, possibly a financial windfall the first week of June, use the revelations on the 26th-28th to discover who’s in your court and who isn’t. And then do what you must.( I see a large baseball bat and someone’s head ahhh such good times)
Lucky colour is blood red
Lucky number 9
Lucky sexual position (yawn) missionary
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Sagittarius (Nov. 23rd- Dec. 22nd)
Lucky you! Your expansive ruling planet, Jupiter, is transiting Sagittarius all year, promising you substantial growth, meaningful inspirations, and fascinating connections.(I like connections tab b into slot A always is fun) Your challenge is to keep your passions focused on growing what’s really worthwhile to you, while avoiding going overboard in activities that won’t really benefit you.(being immortal helps with this and an ego the size of a watermelon well everything is important) Fortunately, the astrological energies this June will help you figure all this out. Abrupt course corrections the first 11days of June and from June 26th-30th show you what or who you might have to let go of or change so remember someone who’s not willing to bow down or bend over kill and let them bleed out. Between June 12th-27th there are loads of powerful, creative, and yes, lucky aspects that will fire you up, and get you hot to trot it might even tingle your love life. So do what Sagittarians do best: hook up get laid and have fun. And enjoy the ride!
Lucky colour is orange
Lucky number is 3.146
Lucky sexual position Fellatio/ Cunnilingus
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Capricorn (Dec.23rd – Jan 20th)
Money, security, things you share with others (you share coins damn can I be your friend), including sex, may have been a little tricky lately, as you may not have been able to control the circumstances involved there (being tied up and errr well lets leave that to the imagination). Good news: While June still holds loads of surprises in your plans, agreements, and contracts, they can end up being good surprises that help promote you in ways you wouldn’t have imagined. You might even discover you have some behind-the-scenes allies working for you, even if their methods aren’t always what you expect or agree with, especially between June 20th-22nd. Capricorn: You’re finding out how clever and adaptable you really are and how your problem-solving skills can work matters so everyone gains, including you, from what at first might appear as a problem.
Lucky colour black
Lucky number 3
Lucky sexual position 69
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Aquarius (Jan.21st-Feb. 18th)
It’s been a weird time for you, Aquarius: Neptune, the planet that brings a “surrender” influence to it has been playing havoc with your sense of control. Mars transiting your sign, too, through June 6th makes you sexy, but also riles up situations and relationship dynamics that call for quite a bit of finesse and negotiations(I do like a bit of 2 by 4 for that time). Don’t take any of the relationship or financial challenges you’ve been experiencing personally(theft in the city is part of the city sex in the city always hot and illicit) Do expect some shifts this month that show you what will work and what won’t (some like it both ways). The good news is innovative ideas and clever alliances jumpstart new wars and death, especially after June 11th. You might even find yourself quite popular and magnetic! Just be sure that you get all the facts straight and have some “plan b’s” in your back pocket incase someone or something doesn’t work the way you’ve planned a large piece of wood to the head fixes lots of things.
Lucky colour indigo
Lucky number 14
Lucky sexual position piledriver
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Pisces (Feb. 19th- March 20th)
Perhaps more than anyone else, you have been experiencing both the restlessness and the wild surprises that come from having many planets in your sign, including Uranus(omg im not saying a word), the planet of freedom and of sudden changes(you bet). It’s likely changes are happening in many areas of your life, some planned and ignited by you, and others unplanned and ignited by others. The great news is you’ll be unusually super-charged for the entire month of June! Holy water and garlic spray will be coming from everywhere. Mercury travelling through your sign will prompt loads of communications, activities, and decisions through June 10th. Then Mars further empowers you to take all sorts of actions and flaunt your sex appeal from June 7th through mid-July (ho go baby go). These planets help build your confidence and magnetism, and stimulate your enthusiasm for new goals and new tastes. Watch you don’t go overboard, or count on things happening in certain ways you expect them to, shake-ups are likely. Look upon whatever happens with this attitude: How can I use this to become even more free?
Lucky colour black
Lucky number 3
Lucky sexual position any of the above on top of erotic furniture
