The Ravenblack Grimoire

Latest Update - July 26 2008 - Safety Deposit Boxes

You can now purchase a safety deposit box key for 11000 coins, from the Cloister of Secrets at Gloom and 1st. If you possess a key, you can put your other objects in a magical safety deposit box in any bank, and withdraw the objects from any other bank. There are few advantages to this; flowers will not decay while in storage, and you're safe from accidentally giving items away or using them if they're in storage.

Well, it looks like God Ravenblack has finally got off his large duff and given the city something new to play with. Not that he hasn’t from time to time thrown us a bone but those moments have been rare and far between.

So now we have a box. A box in which we can keep our valuables. Fabulous.

Let us discuss the uses of said box:
You lay down the whopping amount of 11,000 gold and for that price you gain a place to keep all your shiny items and valuables.

Now 11G isn’t much at all. In fact that’s barely a drop in the bucket of some vampire’s monetary arsenal. If you’re reading this and thinking to yourself ‘Ohh my fucking GOD, not 11,000 gold, I can’t afford 11,000 gold’ then obviously you neither have enough gold to buy the thing or enough shiny stuff to warrant buying the thing, so feel free to stop reading here because you need to grow more before this will affect your unlife. And go find a clan school to educate your ass, because that’s just pathetic.

Now, for those of us rich enough, and with shiny things that could go in the box let us discuss what we can do with it.

There is the obvious use which as has been discussed, you throw your diamonds or titanium rings in there. This will negate that pesky, ‘FUCK I gave that no hoping bitch I was trying to kill a diamond fucking ring. No bloody way!!’ moments. I personally cringe when I hear this scenario because lets me honest, it’s hardly the thing you want to have happen when you’re off trying to look all mean and bad and kill a thing and then you give it a whopping big pressie. Stink for you, great for the enemy. Well, looky here. Go put that shiny in a box in the bank before you make another half assed mistake.

The less obvious use and one I think a few of use will use is the ‘flowers don’t die’ scenario.

Now you’re probably sitting there wondering what the hell sort of use is that? Well, there is the obvious, you’re a soppy piece of love sick fool who wants to save the posy your lover gave you forever and ever amen. I mean, that’s not me, but hey, who am I to sneer at the whim of those in love. If you want to save that dandelion your lover gave you, then go ahead. Cheap ass little bastard he was for giving you a bloody dandelion, the cheapest flower out there. But whatever floats your boat.

I think it would be cool to keep flowers up to the point they’re dead and THEN put them in a box because how cool would it be to give one of your recently slaughtered a whole handful of dead dandelions, roses, orchids whatever. But I’m a bitch that way, so maybe that hasn’t struck anyone as an option. But of course, now you know.

And then I was thinking about our dandelion princess and her little gang of flower pedalling minions. Around Valentines every year Annabelle, Narcisssa and I believe Crimson Clover is in that bunch too, deliver flowers to loved ones the city wide. Now in the past they’ve taken the order, waited for their stamina to increase and then had to make quick calculated jumps to their clients before the flowers died. This of course, negates that necessity and they can believable stock flowers ahead of time, allowing faster and more efficient delivery. Wow, how cool.

In fact, I might get into that business in reverse. I could stock dead flowers by the dozen and make dead flower deliveries with an appropriately scathing message left for the poor sod that was the recipient. You just never know the hidden possibilities of any one thing.

So for those who have in the past accidentally given of their shiny things in war, despite the fact I have pointed and laughed at you, you are now saved from a repeat of such stupendous stupidity. And for those in love, other than being sickeningly sweet you can save your little love flowers to coo over every time you go to the bank. And then for the entrepreneurial of us, there is the cold storage that allows unlimited freshness of wares, be they fresh wares or dead wares, either way, stasis is stasis and you’re in the money baby. For those that don’t have the gold to get one. So sad. Too bad. Go get a real job.

God Raven doesn’t give us a new play thing often so when he does it’s all a bit of an affair really. We take it out, we use it, we fiddle with it and play with it and we find uses for it that are beyond imagining and that’s just what you should do now.

So sayeth the Damari.