The Ravenblack Grimoire - Horrorscopes

There be hororscopes and with a pirate taste from the ol sea dog

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 18:07:27 +0000

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) Sag
I wrote yer forecast last this moon, usually I write Cancer or Capricorn last. But Aquarius has an interestin' chart (say that like ye mean 't an' ye, too, can be a prognosticator) fer Octobree an' Novembree. Maybe 'tis on accoun' o' me own family be comin' t' visit (I’m still clistin' th' coffins an' th' pokers an' ordered in a feather collector fer me lassie how scary be 't t' be havin' yer sire visit fer hork sake), but ya`ll will be havin' family either in yer hair, on yer mind, or in yer house fer some or part o' this time an' they will teeter between drivin' ye insane an' makin' ye insanely happy (let me be seein' happy be bilge water lily livered shitless) t' be havin' them. A turnin' point will happen on (go one guess th' date bet its easier than ye think ) 31 Octobree(hope th' family be nay still here then damn) after this turnin' point, an' ye be off an' set fer a REALLY REALLY good rest o' th' voyage (snickers apart from Novembree 'ere let’s face 't nay one’s goin' t' be happy). 't be in so many ways what ye`ve been lookin' toward fer all these long moons, th' slow poisonin' o' an enemy perhaps or th' sudden sunlight Davy Jones' locker o' yer old girl/ boyfriend dirty cheatin' Hoes). I feel really excited about Aquarius in `09. Davy Jones' locker mayhem an' blood cant beat itl.

hawt scopes

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 01:25:31 +0000

I started with a joke more below really there is

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to
dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered:

the future you want a guess or read it

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 03:15:20 +0000

August 2008
Is it really August already?
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
For those Dark dwellers of the night who just cant seem to get a bite i guess you need to hear “Never say never”? Your performance anxiety will vanish in August, and you’ll be sucking the life of party goers the city wide. It wont take much just a visit to a beauty therapy boutique yes the mono tone hair and black lip gloss is so passé and last year you will have to put yourself on display instead of sinking into the globby little pit of your inner life.. So -- in August, risk failure. Risk rejection. Just get out there shake your bootie and be the life (or un-life of the party). Even if you find it uncomfortable out in the open with others, the stars say you’ll look good doing it.

I have been away but now im back have a laugh

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 11:45:58 +0000

Aries (March 21st-April 19th)
Despite having to deal with some annoying insecurities and/or behind-the-scenes-disruptions June can end up being a pretty great month for you. What makes it great? Movement! (No not bowl but come to think of it you had one this century?)Between June 11th-27th Mercury ignites the good decisions, excellent communications, and fun trips that inspire your favourite feeling: The Thrill of the kill. Begin Something New – possibly with someone new. You might be especially empowered June 16,17,and 20 as your ideas catch fire (and so too does your enemy). Do not ask any one if your arse looks big in these jeans, just accept it yes it does. Anyone who reminds you of this, slaughter them and any progeny they have. What to do about those pesky unexpected issues popping up? Treat them like you do everything else: holy water and garlic spray. Sex can be fun, go get some, watch some. Just make sure they are alive before doing it well unless that’s what you like.

horror scopes (not for the faint of heart)

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 15:28:26 +0000

Aries

You will lose your job this week, but don't worry; (what do you think you are doing working damn I mean your a vampire right?) take a look around there will be help from a large group of people.(who either want to zero you or want help to zero someone else) Money won't be as tight as you think that second job as a whore is working out for you). Not only will you be getting unemployment payments, but a rich relation will pass away unexpectedly (giggles vampire right unexpectedly right), and because of the years of sucking up, they have included you in their will. You will develop a taste from humans with coke habits. You then will win a couple of million at the Casino, The tax man hunts you down, because you haven't payed tax in several years, and tries cleaning you out.

Im back sorry i have been away get your hotties here

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 15:10:42 +0000

AQUARIUS
It’s always a good time to take up a new sport, buy a new bag, sing a new song (oh when Satan comes marching in oh when Satan comes marching in how I want to be in his number) and try a new perfume. (ode dedeadhuamn is not so fetching after 10 months maybe take a bath as well) This is not a good time to trust a new love, or salesman, neither should you make strident accusations or get a daring haircut.(we love how you have the pageboy cut) Some of you have been out in the streets causing ruckus feeling all giddy and ready to rumble, don’t forget to take a bit of 4 x 2 just to beat home any that wont stay still. on a lighter note your most prized enemy has got a new hair cut and to put it mildly lets just say they are not going to make it to the front cover of vogue this or any year fast perhaps on the cover of what I did wrong with my hair.

ok hot horrorscopes for All Saints get em while they hot

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 16:42:36 +0000

AQUARIUS
Yes, it's true. It's October 31st well nearly; all you vampires know what that means? Fucken kids knocking on your door screaming for candy (no I didn’t say Candy sheesh even if your sister was still alive she would be 93 and parts of her would be scraping the floor but I digress). there is one good thing about it, even you ugly vampires and monsters can walk upon the streets of the city with out being ridiculed (well maybe not you in the back row). Luckily for you there are a bunch of really technical things going on in your chart that I won't bore you with. But they're Good Things, as Martha would say. Travel things. Telephone things. Exciting things. BLOOD FILLED THINGS (hmm blood and witches and all things that deal death so dreamy) You think that time is speeding up, and we're travelling too quickly toward some unknown destination (unknown bah it’s the bank you just stole 200K run run run I say)

horror is the aim using a tellescopic sight is my game

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 02:01:27 +0000

AQUARIUS
Online shopping. Email. TV. The radio they listen to late at night. It's all a huge conspiracy to keep you poor and your blood low, I tell you any one would think the humans know there are vampires out there and they are staying indoors. Even when you ring for pizza, they have your number on bar. Perhaps its all the missing delivery humans, and when you finally get through to a pizza shop they want you to pay online they tell you delivery is out of the question in your part of town. A conspiracy I say. As to your social life you need some real-life TLC or perhaps someone to kill. Gooey kissing and schmaltzy hand-holding with puppy dog eyes is really good for the complexion.(and so to is bathing in the blood of innocents) Of course, you are too well-mannered to slurp in public.(well take it from me slurping in public is always hot) But I suggest you venture out this week and start making some eye contact. Bedroom eyes suit you. I keep mine on the dresser beside the bed

get your hot horror scopes here they be free

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 06:39:37 +0000

AQUARIUS
This is the week of long-lost-someone’s popping back into your life (much like those dud cheque you tried to pass last month) You can count on someone from the past popping up in an unexpected form in the next few days,(you would think once you killed them they stay dead, watch out for the zombies) The trip down memory lane will bring forth revelations of past glories and deeds and much drinking (which is not a bad thing)I’m fuzzy on the timeline but I can tell you this: it will stir up some weird inner emotional stuff. (I prescribe straight blood or a direct infusion of alcohol to make the trek easier! Or a baseball bat) interestingly enough, the weird emotional stuff won't be all bad. In fact, it may have you looking back over the past little while with new eyes (and see who is really to blame for all your sorrows or joys)

Whoops I Did It Again ~Horrorscopes~

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 00:57:16 +0000

AQUARIUS
Coffin repair, car repair, wardrobe malfunctioning(checks out the errr well), have you noticed recently how everything you rely on breaks down just when its past its warranty date .even those $400 sunglasses/handbag you just bought are all fucked up. Fun, or is it fate and her fickle ways …eh? Suck it up Aquarius your week has just begun and it sucks. Not only is it going to be bad for equipment (ok guys check out your equipment)
But the city is going to come out and land on you like an elephant with way to much fibre in its diet.
You don’t have a lucky number deal with it
If you had a lucky colour this week its probably the colour of sunlight

have a laugh or cry or come kill me horror scopes are posted

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 01:04:41 +0000

F I R E S I G N S

Aries
Any day apart from Friday is a good day for visiting banks, on that day its best to leave your thieving fingers alone in fact you will be shunned by most of the city even humans are turning green in your presence it all leads to you needing to take your weekly shower. (Yep even your best friends sometimes won't tell you. but me I am not your friend)

Your lucky number is 27

Your lucky colour will be the colour of the ring you leave on the bath.

Lager will be on special offer so those old and feeble vampires make sure you sit out side the bars plenty of drunks to pick off this week.

Get Your Hot Horrorscopes... Believe Them or Not !!!

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 19:38:43 +0000

F I R E S I G N S

Aries

Your pasty coloured skin will come to the fore with the arrival of a zip code size zit right in the middle of your chin (while I am not saying it will show you could be the new Rudolf the yellow chined reindeer for the weekend unless you lance it. just what you need a personal neon sign advertising pasty skin and fangs) Copious amounts of make-up will do nothing to cover it, but will just make it look bigger on the up side your shares in the zit cream chemical company have risen 20% since Monday

Your lucky number will be 3 and glowing like a well neon light.

August 25th

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 14:05:44 +0000

ARIES
With patience and understanding on your part your enemies will come to you to talk peace,(with a little more beating and holy water you wont have to worry about them coming to you they will be laying in he street dead) Tonight finds you dreamy, imaginative, and very intuitive.(snap out of it and throw some holy water) vitality and vigour returns to your romantic liaisons (ah so we will cancel the order of Viagra then).
Your lucky number is 1400 (good luck at lotto with that number hahaha)

LEO
The day filled with communicative abilities (perhaps read this as disseise omg), travel, will be a highlight (ok just where have you been or planning to go with them communicative errr). Your thinking is inspired now and you'll express yourself with zeal and conviction.(yes at last ripping off the heads of your enemies and eating their heart works as I told you it would).

Come and get them hot Horror Scopes

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 09:23:34 +0000

ARIES
You'll be excitable, anxious and running about like crazy.(surrounded by humans a feeding frenzy sighs I remember it well) A fun time can be had if you put yourself in the position of the organizer and coordinator.( the only fun times I like are seeing the enemy bleeding out in the street or my teeth sinking into human flesh sucking them dry oh and holding my baby tight) Put your energy to good use (start a rumor or a war or you could just stab a friend)
Your lucky weapon this week is not sticking in your ribs
Your quote comes from the disc world books
"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper amour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."